I’d like to take a moment, here, at this particular time in my life, to thank all the people that have put up with me through the many years of my life. Also, I’d like to like to apologize for how selfish and ignorant I’ve been.
This was going to be a “light-hearted” message provoked by a young person (someone in their late teens/early 20′s) I’ve been interacting with who has been pretty demanding and not very respectful of my time. I understand. When we are young we are distracted by our own needs. We have few real responsibilities (if we don’t have children and/or a spouse). The responsibilities we have make us feel like we are in the grips of a giant gorilla, hanging from the IDS, about to plummet to our death.
I understand because I felt that way. My responsibilities before marriage and children felt horribly time consuming and just-plain-HARD.
As I write these words, I realize, I truly have some “heavy-hearted” regrets about how I’ve treated people in the past. How selfish and whiny and selfish and demanding and selfish and ignorant and selfish I was. Selfish. My ex-husband and I used to jokingly screech to each other, “mine, mine, mine!” like a child when one of us didn’t get what we wanted.
Yes, I have an ex-husband.
We were in college when we married. There was a lot of drinking and selfishness and lust and anger and childhood pain that I took out on him. He didn’t take anything out on me. He didn’t even ask that I change.
We were in college when we divorced.
I wasn’t planning on sharing that story.
I was only going to write a “light-hearted” story about the time my aunts bought a blender for my mom for Christmas. I was about 10 or 11 or 12. They asked if my sister and i wanted to go in on the gift with them. We said yes. When it came time to pay our share, I was somewhat insulted that they actually expected me to give them what little money I had.
I wanted to keep everything for myself.
I never paid them.
I have a lot of repaying to do. So, in dealing with this younger person who has not followed through on her end, who has changed plans but blamed me, I humbly forgive her and will continue to be kind to her. Because I understand.
Thank you so much to everyone who has understood me. Have patiently smiled and let me make my mistakes. Those of you who have been hurt by my need to be right.
I understand. I am working on repaying you through humility. And I love you.
Do you have someone to thank?
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Kjertsti, I love this. I am kind of speechless with understanding. We love and forgive, and we remember, don’t we? We remember being JUST LIKE THEM. Thanks for all that you shared in here, the stuff that made it real. I’ll bet your aunts would still take a check,too, LOL.
It’s amazing how, as I get older and raise my own children and grow farther away from that age, that those memories come back in such a different light. I’m so grateful for understanding. So many lessons to still be learned.
ANd, you know what, I think you’re right, my aunts WOULD still take that check! LOL!
Wow.
A man of few words. Thank you:)
Sigh. The arrow flew to my heart. . .
Somehow, I let that truth come out here. It’s pretty locked up inside. But if I pierced your heart then I must be piercing mine! Progress. Thank you:)
I agree – wow. We should all look this honestly at ourselves. I know a woman in her mid-50′s who still has the “me first, me only, me all the time and not you” syndrome. It is very hard to remain her “friend” – Your description of your first marriage is EXACTLY how I could describe mine except my ex was a screaming alcoholic – so combine selfish, immature with the addition of his alcoholism and we were a conflagration going to happen no matter what. I loved this post!
In my first marriage, I was the alcoholic! I was not a good person. But thank God for second, third, forth chances. I’ve finally come to understand how important other people’s feelings are.
I have had friends in the past who also are very selfish. For the most part, I’ve had to separate myself from them. It’s toxic. And unproductive. All we can do, really, is pray for them!!