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My heart races and chest tightens.  I search for a reason, a trigger, a word or emotion or thought that brings on these feelings of terror and when nothing comes to mind, I panic.  What is happening to me?
Breathe.
Breathe.
Take deep breaths until it passes.
Breathe through the fear.
I scream inside, wanting to escape my body, but I don’t know why.
Eat some chocolate chips, try to taste food, avoid the pain. But, I don’t taste anything.
Try to figure out what I’m feeling, [...]

I used to give a lot of advice about writing.  Not because I thought I had so much wisdom or education or experience that I went around telling people about the art of words.  It’s just that people would ask, “How do I do it?  I can never think of anything to write.”  And I’d simply say, “Just start.  Don’t think too much about it or where it’ll take you.  Just write.”
But I’ve taken a little break from writing.  I’ve [...]

We went into 9 strip clubs on Maundy Thursday night (that’s the Thursday before Easter, I never knew there was a name for that before!) and were welcomed in all of them with open arms.
We’ve even begun forming a relationship with a “house mom” from one of the clubs. (A house mom is an older woman who has been around a long time that takes care of the girls, watches over them, etc.) She’s invited us to arrange a clothing [...]

Confession:
I’m going crazy.  I know, you’ve heard this before.  But, it’s spring in Minnesota and outside it’s still in the 30s and is ice-raining.  I was going to go see my mom today who is in the ICU again but I couldn’t make the drive because the roads are so bad.  In mid-April.
My mom is getting weaker.  (mind is blank.  I don’t want it to sink it so I stare out the window and let my eyes go blurry.)
I’ve overloaded [...]

When I walked into the dining room, my two sweet little kiddos had towels in each hand sopping up what had spilled on the floor.  I was more proud of them in that moment than worried about the water pooling around my lifeline, my computer.  Surprisingly, I was calm.  I lifted my laptop up, shook out any access droplets, and walked away.
Later when I turned on the computer to write, the letters were going crazy.  Rows of dots were goingandgoingandgoing [...]

I’m stepping out in faith again.
I realized this week that, in some ways, doing ministry work is even more challenging than a regular 9-5 because it isn’t predictable.  In a secular job, you go to work, complete your tasks, clock out, go home and get paid.  (And if you’re a teacher you do more work at home, but you still get paid the same amount at the end of the week).
In my ministry, I have to rely on prayer for [...]

Sharing a quote, confession, and a question (almost) every Thursday.
Confession:
I need to laugh more.
I discovered this at the pharmacy picking up my meds having kidney surgery .  Surgery isn’t funny.
Those pharmacy people are smart (I guess they’re called pharmacists, ha).  They know no one wants to be there.  It’s not exactly a dream destination or a hot date spot.  They don’t have a cool motto like, “What happens in the pharmacy stays in the pharmacy.”
No one goes there for fun.
They [...]

Sharing a quote, question, and a confession (almost) ever Thursday.
Quote:
“Your testimony is powerful.  There is a strength in you that the enemy is so scared of, which is why he has done everything he could to destroy you.  But you are a warrior.  You were created for such a time as this.  What the enemy has tried to take you out with, God will use for good.”  From Polly Wright’s memoir Cherished.
Confession:
I never used to believe in the devil.  I [...]

Dear 18 year-old Kjersti,
When you get older, you won’t want to escape anymore.  In fact, it’ll be hard for you to even remember how much you escaped, daily, hourly, trying to void out the interactions with others, trying to create an imaginary world to live in where you are unaffected by people.  You’re a tough chick.  One tough little lady.  But I know how tired you are of pretending.
You see, the goal is not to be unaffected or to be [...]