Wild Child Mama

I don’t have the luxury anymore to let vodka burn away my stress.  Or the buzz of nicotine distract me.  Or gain a temporary new perspective from stinky, thick, lung squeezing weed.
I have words.
And I haven’t been using them lately.
So I’ve become a violently shaken gallon of Mountain Dew.  The totally carbonated, overly caffeinated kind.
I can and will have exploded.
My mom is going home with hospice care this Friday.
In two days.
Saturday we’ll be holding a living wake for her.  Throwing [...]

My heart races and chest tightens.  I search for a reason, a trigger, a word or emotion or thought that brings on these feelings of terror and when nothing comes to mind, I panic.  What is happening to me?
Breathe.
Breathe.
Take deep breaths until it passes.
Breathe through the fear.
I scream inside, wanting to escape my body, but I don’t know why.
Eat some chocolate chips, try to taste food, avoid the pain. But, I don’t taste anything.
Try to figure out what I’m feeling, [...]

I used to give a lot of advice about writing.  Not because I thought I had so much wisdom or education or experience that I went around telling people about the art of words.  It’s just that people would ask, “How do I do it?  I can never think of anything to write.”  And I’d simply say, “Just start.  Don’t think too much about it or where it’ll take you.  Just write.”
But I’ve taken a little break from writing.  I’ve [...]

We went into 9 strip clubs on Maundy Thursday night (that’s the Thursday before Easter, I never knew there was a name for that before!) and were welcomed in all of them with open arms.
We’ve even begun forming a relationship with a “house mom” from one of the clubs. (A house mom is an older woman who has been around a long time that takes care of the girls, watches over them, etc.) She’s invited us to arrange a clothing [...]