It was “the life.” 
I had money, drugs, no attachments.  All I had to do was go tanning, wear pretty makeup, dance in stilettos (okay, that took some getting used to) and drown out all my thoughts and emotions.  
That’s all I ever wanted to do anyway.  I hated that nagging, whiny, needy voice inside that wanted so much guidance and stability and love.  Yuck.
All I wanted was to shut that girl up and finally live life!  
And to pretend.  
In [...]

My Inner Chick says:
P O W E R F U L words, as usual. I love your honesty about your other life, but... more

We drove into Vegas at night.
From a distance, it looked like an ocean of lightning bugs.  Millions and millions of floating sparkles.  My eyes widened in awe of the waves of glitter and the promise of gold I’d leave with in my purse
There was a dancer I worked with, Brandy. A scrawny little thing.  Like a mosquito.  Thin blonde hair. Bones held together with visible  gears.  Nubby little boobies.  
Brandy boyfriend’s visited her every night at work like a shadow. [...]

Wild Child Mama says:
I have absolutely no doubt, not one single hesitation in my mind that your... more
Ruth says:
This is amazing. I am so naive. In my twenties, I worked at an absolutely... more

Blogging…it’s my secret fort, under the blankets, where secrets and flashlights play.
It gives me a place to figure out what’s going on in this chaotic heart of mine.  I find words to breathe in and out all the turmoil, confusion, passion, love, perceptions, insanity that is churning and swirling inside.
Sometimes it’s a hurricane up in here.  A mess.  Nowhere to ground myself.  Losing my grip.  I want to shout, to question, to point fingers, to demand answers but I can’t [...]

Wild Child Mama says:
I didn’t want that treasure you shared to float away. I needed to... more
Galit Breen says:
Thank you for making me part of a post about bravery. That? Is the best New... more

Our one year anniversary going to strip clubs to send a message of love!

Wild Child Mama says:
It would be amazing if we could have a Wisconsin/Minnesota meet up, exchange... more
Dotty Zens says:
Reading this was so exciting! We are a branch of Whispered Hopes in Eau Claire,... more

the Light of God

The monologue I did at church.


beautiful things

This is a visual representation of the transformation in my heart. And in so many others.  He is alive and loves you!

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watching Porn

When I met my husband, just after college, I had a subscription to playboy.  Not playGIRL. PlayBOY.  He cautiously asked me, before one of our dates, why I had it.  I told him that, as a woman, I had an obligation to read it.  Here was a publication circulating around the world every single month intended for men only.  What kind of secret society was this? What if the photos of naked women were just meant to throw an entire [...]


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hi. I’m still here

Yes.  I can hardly believe it myself.  
I’m still here.
This post should be entitled “Random thoughts” or “stuff on my mind” or “I feel crazy when I don’t write so here is what’s been going on…”
Last Tuesday at the gym while doing squats, I ripped my pants.  All the way from the waistband to the crotch.  I was wearing a flesh colored thong.  
The Friday before that, my partner Amy in minestry crime and I went to 10 strip clubs [...]


ctrl + Alt + DELETE

Remember how my last post was about saving documents by pressing Ctrl + S and that I’m giving up control to the Big Chief in the Sky?
Well, funny thing about that…
I recently began attending a women’s prayer group.  An amazing force of women!  We are pushing each other deeper and deeper into the word of God and into His Kingdom.
So Awesome!
A couple of weeks ago, one of the women said, “God is such a gentleman.  He won’t make you do [...]